While checking my news feeds today I came across this little gem on CTV News:
You Can Catch a Divorce From Your Friends
There is a reason why we talk a lot about association and who you choose to hang around. This article just helps quantify why we hold so much value on our association. I’ve said before and many people before me that you are the product of the books you read and the people you associate with. The article basically goes into how friends and even siblings have an affect on your own marriage and the possibility of you having a divorce if they do.
Some interesting stats at the end of the article are:
“According to Statistics Canada, about 38 per cent of Canadian marriages end by their 30th anniversary.
In the United States, about 44 per cent of marriages end with divorce.
In both the U.S. and Canada, divorce rates peaked in the 1980s and have fallen since.”
Give it a read if you have some time.
Hi Shaun,
I read the article and while I think some points may be good, I also disagree with some. As for association, I think that needs to be more clearly defined. I know you attend business conventions and all, but I do not believe that is considered association. What I mean is that you see these people periodically but you do not necessarily “hang out” with them. I would say your true association would be people you are very close to, or your more inner circle of friends. I belleve those associations can influence your life. For example, seeing a friend divorce can possibly allow someone to justify in their minds that it is okay. Just as close friends can also influence other decisions in your life such as buying a new car or other life items.
But it looks like you and Linds are on a solid foundation, and for that, I commend you!
I guess we have two kinds of association and your right we have a business association and we also have our inner circle of friends that we hang out with. However at least in our business here in Alberta we actually have and do hang out with our upline outside of this business. One of the key things we love doing is working on our relationships outside of this business with our upline. While we do not get as much time as with our friends to “hang out” we do make a point of hanging out, outside of this business. Not sure how it is in other lines of sponsorship but that could be part of the reason why this area is booming right now because we invest a lot of time into the relationships and not just 100% business all the time.
Thanks for the comments and the kudo’s on our foundation. Like Bridgett said its a foundation that always requires work and to stand on guard.
rocket said: “I see what you’re selling, I just don’t think it applies to the majority of people, that’s all.”
I think Shaun has made it pretty clear on his blog that his *intended* audience is *not* the majority of people.
As a woman, and as someone about to celebrate her 16th wedding anniversary, I’ll add my two cents.
I don’t think I’m immune to my marriage falling apart. So I am “on guard” and work on it all…the…time. And part of being on guard and working on it, is not allowing my friends and acquaintances to influence me in a way that I don’t think would be beneficial to my marriage. If that means I admit my vulnerablity and so I choice to hang around them less, then that’s what it means.
This is my female POV:
First, I never say never.
Women gossip. Women complain. Women tear down their husbands in front of them, and talk negatively about them behind their back. We are naturally bent this way. And I have found it so insidious. And so unconscious and easy to do. I face my weaknesses, and so that’s why my antenna is up constantly.
Even a group of women, praying together, and disguising their gossip and finger-pointing in a prayer request. “Please pray for my husband Joe because he’s really struggling with not treating me the way a husband should.” “Please pray for my husband Ray and his work ethic around the house.” I have had to switch prayer groups when I have seen that these women were unwilling to stop their sin, and unwilling to hold me accountable to my own sin.
I just don’t have the desire to mess around with my marriage that way. It’s too important to me. I need to be around women who value marriage, who challenge me to stop being my sorry, selfish, self-centered, cry baby, whining, complaining self. I don’t need ones to validate my crap, just so that they don’t have to face their own.
What I think is “contagious” is what is considered acceptable and unacceptable thoughts, words, and actions. Most people don’t wake up one morning and say, “Our marriage is awful, you’re awful, let’s get a divorce.”
It’s gradual. It’s very subtle. One offense on top of another, one unforgivness on top of another.
(NOTE: These are all generalizations, and I hold no judgment about those who’ve gotten divorces. I have not walked in their shoes and don’t know their situation.)
Thanks for the woman’s perspective, appreciate it.
“Team Colin”
how Twilight hahaha I wonder if that makes me the vampire or the warewolf hehehe
I hear what you’re saying and I think for certain “secondary” things (not sure if that makes sense) that is probably true but the stuff that I really consider to be my core and what I’m all about I wouldn’t let anyone influence or sway.
Maybe that’s the problem with people who are “catching divorce”… maybe they just don’t have a good understanding of who they are and what makes up their core.
Regardless… great conversation topic and it sounds like many people have many opinions!
I could not agree more on the fact I won’t let anyone influence in a bad way our marriage. I laughed when I saw that article but on the flip side I can see where this could have an effect on say people that have a pretty rough marriage, or have on going problems or were even thinking about divorce in the first place. For those people yes maybe this could be an influence and not directly, probably more subconsciously.
If anything the article just makes me thankful that I do have a good marriage, and that the people commenting here do have a great marriage. Lets celebrate that for pete’s sake. 10 Years Rocket? That’s awesome. 5 Years Colin, that’s awesome too. I remember the day of your wedding like it was the other day. Chocolate fountain and all
I’m on 3 1/2 years myself and could not be happier and more excited about my life with my wife. So lets celebrate that because good marriages are what it seems, far and few between these days.
I’m gonna jump on board team Colin for this one. I’ve been with my wife 10 years. Lots of our friends got divorced in that time.
That type of theory would apply to a large segment of folllowers.
I am proud to be a non follower, and look at things critically, which doesn’t mean negatively. I work out, but have fat friends.
I see what you’re selling, I just don’t think it applies to the majority of people, that’s all.
To be honest i’m not selling anything and I also didn’t say this theory or the association concept was 100%. Everyone has an opinion and is entitled to that.
Hi Shaun,
Congratulations on having a great marriage. But I’m a bit confused about this topic. Are you saying that people in your line of business do not get divorced? If there were divorced couples, how would you know about it? I would like to believe that some common cause or goal could help keep married couples together, but I have never heard of any such a cause. Even in churches, married couples divorce. Could you clarify your point? Thanks much.
Steve,
Not sure where your confusion is, I think the link I put in the post explained it. I was mearly saying how important it is to watch your association. I wasn’t indicating at all about people in our line of business. I’m sure people in our line of business people have been divorced, nobody is ever immune to that.
My point was sharing the information I came across and making a mention about association.
Not a fan of this idea or “prrof” that “divorce is contageous”.
I think if outside influences can turn the tide on your marriage then you haven’t done a good enough job of establishing the proper level of commitment and trust in your partner. All my friends and family members could get divorced and I would NEVER see that as an option with Heather and I. We’re heading into 5 years this August and I still find new level of love for the Mrs.
Saying “divorce is contageous” sounds to me just like someone who is lazy and looking for an excuse as to why their marriage failed… perhaps instead of looking for outside factors they should concentrate on themselves and their partner cause last time I checked a marriage was between 2 people and not their social/family circle.
I think there is some merit in this study. While your right not everyone is just going to get divorced because others do, but some people do because they don’t have a great marriage. I agree with you Colin, Lindsay and I have an amazing marriage and just because a family member or some friends do it won’t affect us. I guess it’s like a cold, just because someone is contagious doesn’t mean you’ll get sick.
But the key here is association, you are a product of the people you hang around. Examples:
1. If you are wealthy, chances are the people you hang around are wealthy.
2. If you work out, chances are a lot of people you associate with also on average work out
3. Likewise if you are fit chances are the people you hang around on average are fit
4. If you hang around negative people, chances are you’re negative
5. If you hang around DBA’s, well that’s just wrong (haha), chances are your a nerd.
6. If you hang around single people, chances are you’ll be single
Again not everyone is just going to get divorces because Joe blow there gets divorces but associations are powerful and part of the reason why people do the things they do, or are the people they are.